Racing thoughts at bedtime
The light is off, the body is tired, and the mind is only just getting started. A few ways through the evenings when your thoughts keep you awake.
Does this sound familiar? You go to bed after a long day, switch off the light, and at that very moment a list starts running in your head: an unfinished e-mail, tomorrow’s meeting, a conversation from last week that did not go the way you wanted. The harder you try to fall asleep, the further away sleep seems. It is one of the most common difficulties I hear about in my practice – and one that can genuinely be worked on.
Why in the evening
During the day our attention is taken up by tasks, conversations and everything going on around us. In the evening all of that goes quiet, and the thoughts that had no room finally get their say. On top of that, the bed easily becomes the place where we “deal with” the whole day: we plan, analyse and worry in advance. The brain learns this link, and over time simply lying down starts to switch on alertness instead of relaxation.
There is one more trap: worrying about sleep itself. Thoughts like “if I do not fall asleep now, I will not cope tomorrow” add tension and make falling asleep even harder.
Time for worries – before the light goes off
One of the things I suggest is setting aside 15–20 minutes earlier in the evening for worries. Sit at a table with a sheet of paper and write down everything that is going round in your head. For each thing, ask yourself whether you can do something about it. If you can, write down the first, smallest step and when you will take it. If you cannot, mark it and put the paper away.
When a familiar thought comes back in bed, you can tell yourself: “That is written down, I will deal with it tomorrow at nine.” At first this sounds artificial, but over time your mind learns that nothing gets lost, even if you are not dealing with it right now.
A bed for sleeping
It also helps to rebuild the link between your bed and sleep rather than wakefulness:
- go to bed when you feel sleepy, not only because “it is time”
- if you cannot fall asleep for a long while, get up, do something calm in dim light, and go back to bed when you feel sleepy
- try to get up at a similar time every day, weekends included
- keep your phone out of reach – checking the time and your messages usually only feeds the tension
At the end of the day it is also worth giving yourself a moment of transition: a warm shower, a few calm breaths, a few pages of a book. The point is not a perfect routine, but a signal to your body and mind that the day is ending.
When that is not enough
If sleep difficulties go on for weeks, drain your strength during the day or come with other worrying symptoms, talk to a doctor about them. Racing thoughts can also be a sign that something in your life deserves a closer look – and this is where therapy can help.
If you would like to work on evening worry, start with a free 30-minute consultation. Together we will look at what keeps the racing thoughts going and where it makes sense to begin.